Sept. 22, 2003, midnight 6.4
S1E1 - Pilot
Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.
Sept. 29, 2003, midnight 6.8
S1E2 - Big Flappy Bastards
Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith is taking advantage of Alan, who keeps going to her house to fix things.
Oct. 5, 2003, midnight 7.1
S1E3 - Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.
Oct. 12, 2003, midnight 7.3
S1E4 - If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie for dating advice.
Oct. 19, 2003, midnight 7.0
S1E5 - The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump
Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.
Oct. 26, 2003, midnight 6.6
S1E6 - Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.
Nov. 2, 2003, midnight 7.4
S1E7 - If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.
Nov. 9, 2003, midnight 7.1
S1E8 - Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful
Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.
Nov. 15, 2003, midnight 6.7
S1E9 - Phase One, Complete
Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends Jake and Evelyn.
Nov. 23, 2003, midnight 7.1
S1E10 - Merry Thanksgiving
Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him.
Dec. 14, 2003, midnight 6.8
S1E11 - Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.
Jan. 4, 2004, midnight 7.3
S1E12 - Camel Filters and Pheromones
Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.
Jan. 10, 2004, midnight 6.7
S1E13 - Sarah Like Puny Alan
Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date for a long time.
Feb. 1, 2004, midnight 6.8
S1E14 - I Can't Afford Hyenas
Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must go on a budget.
Feb. 8, 2004, midnight 7.0
S1E15 - Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
Charlie invites a mysterious, slightly crazed woman to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems.
Feb. 15, 2004, midnight 7.2
S1E16 - That Was Saliva, Alan
Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.
Feb. 22, 2004, midnight 7.4
S1E17 - Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his care and has to be rushed to the hospital.
Feb. 29, 2004, midnight 7.4
S1E18 - An Old Flame with a New Wick
Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.
March 21, 2004, midnight 7.3
S1E19 - I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has a party of her own.
April 18, 2004, midnight 7.1
S1E20 - Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.
May 2, 2004, midnight 7.1
S1E21 - No Sniffing, No Wowing
Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dumped by a self-centered lothario.
May 9, 2004, midnight 7.0
S1E22 - My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up with a cure.
May 16, 2004, midnight 7.4
S1E23 - Just Like Buffalo
When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie.
May 23, 2004, midnight 7.0
S1E24 - Can You Feel My Finger?
Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.
